Tuesday, 24 June 2014

writing desk tales

A couple of weeks ago, my life took an unexpected twist. It's nothing serious yet, a random comment that led to an experiemental project that may or may not work. And some of that work has brought me extra exposure here, in this space. New visitors, new ideas to try, new words to speak.

But I'm feeling overwhelmed, and haven't done much with the opportunity. I confessed at the beginining that being overwhelmed would see me pull back, halt, censor myself; I thought I could stop myself from doing that, with support, but it hasn't happened.

As I was browsing feedly last weekend, I stumbled on this essential reading post from Campfire Chic. Kam mentions "procrastination being a symptom of fear", and I jumped up straight away, rushed to google, and found this post from Life Less Bullshit, and breathed a sigh of relief. I remembered someone linking to it when the post first went up, and I still had the same visceral response to it last week.

And then Sophie started crying/kids started yelling/something happened that distracted me, and it was easier to forget about writing a blog post in response to that feeling, and just deal with whatever was happening at the time.

But the overwhelm and procrastination are still sitting there, just below the surface, holding me back from trying to push forward, grow myself, grow this space. Excuses are rolling off my tongue - Sophie is teething, why bother starting when I'll just be interupted, Steve is awake so we should spend time together - and I get more and more frustrated with myself, for the excuses, because I'm not doing the things I promised myself I would do.

I still sit, frozen, scared, procrastinating. But I am aware. Aware that I am doing these things. I make plans every day to move forward. And today, I got fed up with just making plans, and I'm sitting here, tapping away at the keyboard, while Sophie snores gently on the couch.

The first step.

9 comments:

  1. Aware is good...the second step should be easier!
    Alison xx

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  2. It's definitely a good sign that you are aware of the procrastination & that you've gotten a post up!

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  3. I pretty much write all my posts with Hayley asleep on my lap. If I didn't do that I'd never get any published. Unfortunately I can't plan it because her sleep is very unpredictable like Sophie's.

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  4. Sometimes it's like that. You just have to start. One word, then another, then another. If you don't finish now, that's okay. Save it as a draft. Come back to it later or sooner. It will wait for you and you'll find when you do get back that it won't bite you. Then add another word or two. Eventually you'll get over the fear and your muse will return.

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  5. I find that is a major problem for me too. The times when I feel that surge of an idea and want to write is usually the exact time when I am least able to leave whatever it is I am doing! Then I go back later and the moment is lost and I'm disappointed. Let me know if you find the answer xx

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  6. Too often I feel that inspirational moment just slip on by because I am too busy. Good on you for taking that first step... the next one and the one after will be easier I'm sure x

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  7. It can get out of control, where you just find yourself doing nothing, because everything is crowding in on you! I think talking about it is your first step, it will only get easier after this :)

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  8. "procrastination being a symptom of fear" - BINGO! That hits very close to home for me. Good on you for taking the first step with your fingers on that keyboard!

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  9. Wishing you good courage and steadiness for whatever might come next ... I guess if you don't explore it, you'll never know what could be. Hoping for lots of good things for you all.

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I love reading comments from you. Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts. xox

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