is death starting to appear around you?

I know, an odd choice of topic for a hot, sunny almost-summer spring day, but as I was washing my face after shedding tears for another loved lady lost this morning, I realised that I haven't experienced death close to me before.

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Sure, most of my grandparents are dead, but they were rather distant from my life, so the impact wasn't as noticeable. And my kids are growing up with a photo of Steve's dad beside them (some nights Nat won't sleep without Grandad, and he always sits under the Christmas tree on Christmas Eve) who passed away almost 20 years ago.

But people close to me? People that are significant to the people in my life currently? That happened for the first time on Sunday morning. And, while it's messed up plans, it's also affected me in a way I didn't think it would. I cry at random moments, mostly because I don't know what to do to help. And then today, just an hour ago, to get more news that another mother lost her battle and another family is grieving. That threw me for six, and my heart is trying hard to hold on.

So today, I'm going to hug the kid tighter, and think about those families that are grieving.