5 lessons I learnt from exercise

It was a perfect storm of synchronicity.

My doctor had been on at me for ages to lose some of the fat around my middle (to reduce fat on my liver)

 An advert popped up on Facebook

And 3 days later I was joining a gym.

20 lessons from 2020

2020 has become a cliche.

In a year of global pandemic, “unprecedented” was the word on everyone’s lips.

But a little closer to home, nothing much changed for me.

Steve was away at work (stuck in Western Australia from March 29 to May ??)

I continued to attend work when kids moved to Learning@Home as all school staff were still required to attend (bringing forth it’s own set of logistical issues - kids at home, me at work, Steve away, who was supervising school work?)

How to Remember the Reusable Bags

On July 1st, Queensland is banning single use plastic bags.

I'm not sure how others are coping with this news (we've only known about it for two years) but I have been in a tailspin!

I head to the shops a couple of times a week, dragging kids behind me who are tired from a long day at school (because I'm so disorganised that getting there in the 6 kid-free hours is impossible!)

Lessons from the fish tank

After years of wanting a tank, we finally decided that waiting was taking up too much space, and we should just do it and set one up. It's been running for a little over 9 months, and has been a lesson in patience, understanding the language, and making it work for us. In that time we've only killed 3 fish (compared to Douglas, who for a period there lost a fish every week), and the kids have named the favourites, and argue daily over who's turn it is to feed them.

It's become a nightly ritual for me to sit in front of the tank as I'm heading to bed, to watch (and remove snails) and keep an eye on the different pregnant fish, spotting for babies and new relationships happening. As I watched last night, it occurred to me that there were lots of lessons we could learn, and apply to so many different life situations.

7 ways a dog is like a 3 year old

Daisy has lived with us for five months now. She has easily moulded us to fill her needs slipped into our household, and Sophie proclaims regularly that Daisy is her "bes fren" We've all learnt numerous lessons from having her here and walking her, but at just over one year old she is technically "fully grown" in body, but just like a 3 year old in spirit.

She wants your food I don't when I last ate something without a dog sitting in front of me, or Sophie trying to climb into my lap to remove it from my mouth. And forget any special treats each evening, I can only eat them unaccompanied on daycare days [because Daisy takes the kid-free time to sleep.all.day.]

She wants what you have We have bought numerous toys for Daisy over the last few month, but they last exactly 3.2 seconds before she's shredded them into piles of stuffing around the house (the chew rope took a little bit longer, 3 days of hardcore chewing.) But that means that she's often hunting around for something more than bones or wooden blocks to chew on. Whenever the kids pull out something new to play with, Daisy is the first one there, having a sniff and a lick to determine if she wants to chew it or not.

She wants to know where you are I seem to have become Daisy's people. Whether that's because I'm home more than Steve or she feels a kindred spirit, I have no idea, but she rarely listens to anyone else [see, just like a 3 year old!] But that has come to mean that if I head downstairs to the washing machine, she's on my heels; she's learnt to stick her nose into the toilet door to push it open, and checks on me every time I'm in the shower. Just like a 3 year old.

She eats everything, until she doesn't Daisy hasn't actually eaten her dinner for 3 days now. She gets served cooked mince, and sometimes I add sweet potato to it. That's it. She's gone from veggies, meat and pasta in gravy when she first arrived to plain old mince. And now she won't even eat that. Just like the 3 year old who proclaimed rice was her favourite, and ate it every time it was dished up, until last week she stopped eating it. [NB Daisy isn't starving, she's been munching on chicken necks during the day]

She jumps on furniture, even when told not to Daisy is full of energy that some days even walking with me doesn't help. And once she gets started running around, she sort-of can't stop until she's exhausted. If there's a couch or table in the way, she jumps on it without hesitation. Like the 3 year old that can't get ready for bed without jumping on it like a trampoline.

She always wants to know what everyone else is doing Sophie is currently in the chatterbox-why stage of learning language. I had forgotten how truly exhausting this stage was, but add a dog who is at your heels every time, it becomes a precarious balance of who exhausts you first!

She wants to get in the car every time I'm currently driving a sedan, which we try really hard to not let Daisy in (although if it becomes the only car she remembers going to the vets in, we could be in trouble, so I take her out occasionally), but Steve's station wagon has a cargo barrier, so it's safer for Daisy to travel in that. So if he picks his keys up in the middle of the day, Daisy is ready to walk outside with him. Just like when I put shoes on, Sophie is asking where I'm going, and whether she can come too.

And then we get moments like this, where they're so peaceful together that hearts just melt. They truly are best friends.

An InLinkz Link-up

5 lessons from walking the dog

I seem to be the one who walks the dog these days. Douglas tried for awhile, but had problems with her pulling away from him and hurting herself. And Steve works (which seems an adequate excuse in his eyes, even on his days off.) So I walk her, morning and night.

It has meant getting back into the habit of waking early (no mean feat when my bed companion often wakes, nixing our morning walk), having comfortable runners, and learning to control a dog, who may only weigh in at 26kg, but when she uses all those muscles to run could easily pull me off my feet!

But as the days get warmer (meaning no early morning scramble to find my jumper again), and it's light before I even get out of bed, I've been pondering the lessons of walking the dog over the last few days. Because there really are lessons to be found in every activity we partake in, we just need to notice them.

I have learnt patience I know this sounds strange, because I have a three year old who can tap dance on patience some days, but Daisy still considers our neighbourhood full of new smells (I follow the same path every day, so I'm not too far from the kids if Steve is at work), and I've had to learn to slow down and let her sniff them out, otherwise she can make the walk harder by pulling against me. A quick sniff often has her moving on again quickly, but she'll drag it out if I don't let her check it out.

There is quiet in the solitude In a house full of kids, finding quiet is really hard. Even when I listen to music in the evenings, there is still quiet from the noise. I often come back from a walk refreshed and ready to face whatever onslaught of "can I haves" they want to throw at me.

The neighbourhood is always changing If we walk at 6am, we rarely see cars or movement (although that house over on the right has a light on from 5am most days), but at 7am cars head out as people head to work for the day. Most Saturday evenings are quiet (we are not a party neighbourhood since the kids moved out of the party house), and we rarely meet any of the neighbourhood dogs outside their fences.

I have learnt to breathe Yep, another obvious one, because everyone breathes, but it only occurred to me a couple of days ago that I was breathing without panting or gasping for air. Sure, that's a sign that I'm getting fitter, but it's also a sign that I'm noticing my breath, and breathing to full capacity, instead of holding my breath as I walk (which I know I used to do)

My jeans fit again I have lived in jeans my whole life (I've even been known to wear them in summer), but about a year ago I had to stop wearing them because they had really become uncomfortable, digging into my weird-shaped after-kids-tummy. But about three weeks ago I just pulled them out from under the floordrobe pile and tried them on, and they fit perfectly. They still sometimes do a weird slip down the tummy thing, but as the tummy is disappearing, the jeans are staying up.

I'm sure this won't be the end of the lessons we take from having Daisy in our life, she seems to be teaching us new things every day (although I'd really love it if children would learn to put drink bottles up high!)

linking with Kylie Purtell for #IBOT

10 lessons from 10 years of marriage

If you had said to me 11 years ago that I'd be here today, celebrating my tenth wedding anniversary, I would have thought you were barking mad. Even five years ago, I wasn't sure we would make it this far. But we did, and we have.

As I've reflected on this journey over the last few weeks (because it's so in my nature to obsessively try to work out "why") I've realised that there's no real reason why this has worked. Not one thing stands out. Which means that it's really a mix of everything that makes us us, that has made it worked.

Since the very first day we met, we've had one strict rule - neither of us is under any obligation to stay. I think in part that's come from me growing up with the knowledge that my parents "only stayed together for the kids". It means that we've both chosen to stay.

So, in no particular order, here are ten things I've realised about marriage

you need to fight fair having grown up in a family that fought, and seen relationships around me fall apart because couples couldn't fight, I truly believe that learning to fight with your partner is vital. But fighting fair, making the fight about now, not the past, is vital to making sure issues get sorted out and dealt with, not hanging around forever.

you need to keep talking through all the ups and downs, it's vital to keep communication lines open. Over the last few years, with Steve working away or nights, talking face to face has been really limited, so we've had to find other ways to keep talking (most often on the phone just before I go to bed), and we don't just talk about the kids, we talk about money, memories, dreams and plans for the future as well as tomorrow.

you need laughter one of the very first things that caught my attention about Steve was he made me laugh. And over the years, I've learnt how to make him laugh. And when one person is laughing, eventually so is everyone else.

you need to take time out time apart is vital, because it reminds you why you like each other in the first place. With Steve working away, it's been difficult for us to find this time apart, but I have managed to sneak off for a weekend or two away over the last few years.

there's always a new story I told Steve recently that I'd heard all his stories from the past. They often pop up when we're talking about ideas for the future and contrasting them to the past, and I've heard the one about the three-legged sheep more times than you would think was possible. None the less, he dug deep, and found a new story to relate to whatever we were chatting about, which made me stop and wonder how much else I didn't know after ten years.

find your own interests Steve has never quite understood the importance of having his own interests. To him, I'm his best friend. But he isn't mine. And we have lots of interests that we don't share, which means that when we're having a talking evening, we have things to talk about that the other doesn't know about. I listen to Steve talk about work, and he listens to me waffle about scrapbooking, or blogging, or whatever interest I'm researching this week.

spend time together this seems counter-intuitive to the last point, so perhaps this should be sub titled "date each other" While dates aren't something we've every really managed to pull off (for a period of time there, the only time we got out without kids was when my mum came to visit every other year for Christmas), we do try regularly to have day dates, and now Sophie is in daycare we're managing to spend a few hours each week with each other (depending on roster.)

sex is important it took a long time for me to figure out that this connection was vital. It isn't a matter of how often, but that it happens regularly.

different rhythms are ok Steve has always preferred staying up late (or, more particularly, falling asleep in the arm chair), where I am a morning person (although sometimes grudgingly) who crawls into bed with a book at 9.30 sharp. We've made those different patterns work for us, because it gives us both the space we need for ourselves, and each other.

don't stop loving each other it's ok if you're in the middle of a an arguement, and dislike each other, but don't let that overshadow the things that brought you together in the first place. Once that love starts to slip away, it can be hard to claw it back.

I can't say for sure if we'll still be here in another ten years, but I think right now we're in the comfort phase of our marriage, complacent in it's known-ness. As the kids grow and become more independent, it gives us the space to come back to each other, and remember why we're here in the first place. Not just for the kids. But for each other.

Happy Anniversary.

What's your #1 tip for a good marriage?

5 things we've learnt from our dog

In case you missed all my photos on social media, we got another dog. Some might say it was a strange thing to do, just a month after we lost Molly, but we just found ourselves in the position of looking at a dog's photo online and being cranky that she was being given away, and bringing her home with us. She isn't the perfect dog; she keeps sleeping on the couch, and she digs holes in the backyard, but she cleans up any kid-food spills, and she's happy with a belly rub after the kids have gone to bed; she's best for us right now.

And we've learnt so much from her in the last month or so. I've been pondering this for awhile, as we go about our daily routine, it's kind of been a bit of a surprise that anyone has learnt anything at all from her, but while the lessons may only be little, they've been important ones.

The kids have learnt cooperation Seems like an odd place to start, but dogs poo. And big dogs do big poo. And the kids have had no choice but to remember how to work together to clean it up. They whinge and whine about every second of it (I never said they were happy about learning these lessons), but the mess gets cleaned up.

The kids have learnt to be gentle Not an easy concept to teach a 3 year old, and I've had my moments of hair-tearing-out, but all the kids have learnt to pay attention to their actions, towards each other, and towards Daisy. Daisy often comes to the defence of someone when kids are arguing (I think she's never quite sure who needs her help if they're yelling at each other) And Sophie is working on gentle patting, instead of riding Daisy like a horse (probably the only downside of Daisy being big, Sophie doesn't quite understand that Daisy might accidentally hurt her.)

Everyone has learnt to give love It's fair to say that family loves each other. But they don't always show it in ways that are easy to interpret as "I love you." With Daisy, it's been easy for everyone to show love - all it takes is a belly rub. Natalie and Riley can often be found in the afternoon with Daisy on her back, rubbing madly away at her tummy.

What goes in must come out This was our very first lesson. Daisy chewed the string off a school hat her first night here. The kids weren't home when it made it's way through her system. And we've also had to watch what food she eats. While she loves all food (and is always at the table beside the kids at breakfast time waiting for someone to drop something), mashed potato makes her sick.

Eventually everything gets chewed I've been keeping track of how many pairs of shoes or laces get chewed. The cupboards in the lounge room are piled high with items picked up off the floor away from Daisy. Steve was quite sure that tucking his laces into his work boots each night would be enough, and he wouldn't have to pick them up off the floor. Obviously, Daisy didn't get that memo. These are now hers to chew (FYI 5 pairs of laces, 3 left shoes, 1 pair of slippers, 3 drink bottles, 1 handbag strap, 1 dog leash, 1 cheap chew toy, and countless bones.)

I'm sure over the next 10 or more years she'll teach us many more valuable lessons.

Do you have pets? What have you learnt from them?

linking up with Essentially Jess for IBOT
linking up with Pursue Your Project for Family Joy

Why I'm ok with a male daycare leader

Sophie has been at daycare for a few months now. She's finally starting to participate in activities unguided, and interacts with the other kids each day (and she doesn't cry when I drop her off!), and it's all because of the love and care she gets from her teachers.

While her female leader has started working at the centre since Riley left, Dan was a floating assistant, so he's been around for a couple of years.

In typical two-year-old style, when Sophie is telling me who she loves, Dan is always on her list. He's made a real impact on her, and she's eager to say hi to him when we arrive each day.

But it occurred to me recently that it isn't usual to see men in a childcare environment. So I wanted to share with you the reasons why I'm ok with having a male leader at daycare.

1 she will learn that it is safe to be around men who aren't family members. I absolutely believe this is the most crucial reason. We teach our children "stranger danger", but statistics show time and time again that it is the people closest to our children who hurt them. But I don't want her to spend her life being scared of the people around her. I want her to learn that people can be close and safe, even if it isn't dad.

2 she will learn how men who aren't family members can treat her. I know that working in childcare is learned through study, but concern for another's well being, even if they're only two, is hard to fake long term.

3 she will learn to have fun with men. I grew up in a fairly sheltered household where I didn't really have interactions with men who weren't family members. So I hit my teens and twenties with a slightly cock-eyed view of relationships, always reading more into them than was really there. Being able to have fun with men who expect nothing from her is an important part of teaching her self-worth. (yes, she's two, I know this one sounds slightly weird. But I also know that our primary school has at least 3 male teachers across the years, so it's an important lesson to note now.)

4 she will learn men can nurture just as well as women Like I noted earlier, men in a childcare situation is rare. But while it's expected of women to nurture their young, the same expectation doesn't exist of men. If she's exposed to men nurturing as part of her normal world, she'll expect it, and support it as she grows.

And Sophie isn't the only one learning these lessons, our whole family will take these ideas on board without even realising that they've learnt something, because it is just a normal part of our lives.

recently I have learnt

that flat-lay is a "thing"

that I waste far too much time on {insert something here}

that I have far more knowledge than I give myself credit for

that it is possible to see the light at the end of the tunnel

that a tired baby will always fall asleep as you get ready to walk out the door

that you don't get back what you give out (but it doesn't stop me giving)

that I don't get anything done after 10pm, even if I've stayed awake to get things done

that I need to read more than 3 pages of my book each day if I want to finish reading it before bookclub on Saturday

that I have to trust that everything will work out

have you learnt anything recently?