Tuesday 16 June 2015

Fighting the good fight

We carefully circle each other, not touching or speaking

Last night's words still ringing in our ears

"Want tea?", he asks in my general direction

"Yes please" is my response, always polite, but somehow politer than usual.

Having grown up in a house where my parents always fought, it seemed on an almost daily basis, fighting with others has always been part of my life. From sibling fights with my sister (she's a lay-down-on-the-floor-and-kick type of fighter), to ignoring Chloe's father because it was easier than crying, my fighting style hasn't really changed - I either stay, and scream; or run away and ignore.

I was always taught that fighting was good for a relationship, it cleared the air and got rid of the baggage that was festering. Although I doubt that's why my parents fought. And it's not why Steve and I fight, either.

Our fights usually start when he ignores something I've asked him to do, usually stop-nagging-at-the-kids-they're-not-listening-and-it-isn't-constructive.

I yell, he sits and listens. He's only raised his voice at me once in 9 years of fighting. He usually sits, resigned to the barrage-of-Cate.

Eventually, when I don't get a response, I lock myself in the bedroom, or leave the house to calm down.

And then the warily circling-each-other starts for a few hours.

Eventually, we talk. I tell him I hate what he did, he tells me I was unreasonable walking out. And, then... well, you know how people usually make up after an argument, right?!

Do you fight often with your partner?
Linking up with Essentially Jess


  1. Well I love the photo AND your final line. :o) This is a great post, Cate. Doug and I rarely fight but when we do - LOOK OUT! We are both very strong personalities and on the rare occasions when we do fight it's loud and ugly. Afterwards we usually keep to ourselves for a little while and it doesn't take us long to come back around. We are both apt to apologize.

  2. I used to always run away and cry, but now I want to stay and yell. Unfortunately he does that too so we just yell at each other and get nowhere most of the time. But then we eventually get over it and talk like adults.

  3. Most of the arguments I had was because 2 strong personalities were trying to be dominant over the other even if one of them didn't know they were strong. And it's awfully hard to win an argument if the other person won't engage.

  4. ha ha, love the photo! We have arguments, disagreements or whatever you want to call them but we don't fight as in yell or slam doors etc. Perhaps that's happened a handful of times in our 10 years. We're both not really into full on fighting, it's more of arguing our point in a normal talking tone and if either of us don't get the wrong way we move on to doing something else and come back to it later.

  5. I don't have a partner (never have) so can't comment. But I grew up in a house where my parents didn't fight much. My dad had a temper and would yell about something and then sulk. Because I wasn't exposed to much fighting I really struggle being around others fighting now, so I'm not sure how I'd go in a relationship.

  6. I'm a redhead... Enough said! Lol I yell. Hubby never used to but does a bit now, but they are rarely serious so we shrug it off quick.

  7. Mr A and I rarely fight. I have a tendency to great unfairly grumpy at him but I try and keep it to myself on account of knowing I am being unfair. Other than that I guess Mr A just knows I am always right ;)

    Leaving some fairy wishes and butterfly kisses from #teamIBOT

  8. I think it's okay to fight - as long as you have fun making up!

  9. I grew up in a house with lots of fighting and I made sure I chose a partner who was as laid back as possible. He has rubbed off on me over the years and we rarely even raise our voices to each other. I don't like being around a lot of tension and anger.

  10. Robbie and I rarely fight, but we do have some strong "disagreement discussions" on occasion! :)

  11. I think Boatman and I have had about one actual fight in ten years. A few disagreements but we both are usually ok. He doesn't yell, which used to frustrate me if I knew he was grumpy, but honestly if he did yell I would just cry.

  12. I find it amazing (and wonderful) your husband has only raised his voice once! What a great guy! I tend to do the same as you Cate... Rant or run!


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