Wednesday 22 May 2013

#baby5 | 34 weeks | mama guilt

I realised a couple of days ago that I've been suffering from a bit of mama guilt with this pregnancy.

Mostly because it shouldn't have taken me so long to get used to the idea of having another baby. Partly because I have no idea how Chloe feels about having another baby. Partly because I've got so much to do, from cleaning the house to finishing off paperwork for the accountant to sewing stuff that is pinned together ready to be sewed. And partly because we're in a financially bad place at the moment, on the verge of sliding over the edge of the cliff and I can't do anything to help take that stress away.

And after seeing 4 day old twins at school today, and a friend's 3 week old, I realise I'm woefully under-prepared for such a small creature to find it's way into our hearts and lives. I'd forgotten just how small babies were! How do you forget something like that?!

I'm not sure that the reality of a new bundle of pink will hit until she's actually safely in my arms. And even that will pose a problem, because I have a super-jealous small boy here at the moment, not happy at all despite all the explanations about a baby sister coming soon.

And the sheer logistics of birth are doing my head in. Steve has changed jobs and is now gone five days a week. The only person available for the kids to stay with is my brother, and being a truck driver himself who goes all over the south east of Queensland, that's not the easiest thing to achieve.

{The actual labour process is a no-brainer - my last two were 2hrs each, which already has the hospital reminding me what to do if bub arrives quickly at home}

Sometimes I wish I could wind the clock back, and plan better (although our plan was for no more.) And right now I'm at the point where I want to wind the clock forward and just get on with it. Because when I stop and take a breath and calm down, I know everything will work out just the way it's supposed to.


  1. I can't believe that you are 34 weeks already!

    I think worries come with the territory of the 3rd trimester. Hope you find some solutions to your troubles soon.


  2. You'll be fine. Chloe will be fine. Things ALWAYS work out even though they seem like they won't. BREATHE

  3. Oh hugs honey. At the end of the day there is very little bubba needs other than you. I know you know that. I do feel your worry about the kids and who's looking after them when you're in labour. It's the biggest stress for me. I wish I could help you some way.

  4. Feeling your anxiety and stress from here ... And hoping you'll get the support you need from outside and inside to make it through, and that your little boy will discover there are advantages to being A Big Brother ad well as having Mummy and Me time. Thinking of you.

  5. Oh Cate, it will work out all right in the end! Sending prayers your way for peace in these last few weeks and special times with your other children (especially the jealous little one) during this time!

  6. **Hugs** It is tough when life's twists hits us. You sound like you are trying to keep yourself positive and that is a good thing. I too am teetering on the edge of a financial cliff and have come to realise that worrying about it day and night isn't going to change it, I just live one day at a time and enjoy every little blessing that pops up. I'll be thinking of you.

  7. Sending hugs, Cate...have faith that it will work out...keep enjoying the little blessings, as Chipper suggests and remember to BREATHE!
    Alison xx

  8. Oh my I know how you feel!! I still can't get my head around another baby. Mind you, I have a little more time up my sleeve than you! Looking forward to meeting you in person next weekend x

  9. It's so hard sometimes - that mama guilt. I have felt it a bit lately when we plan to go somewhere and do something and then I get reminded that I'm pregnant because I actually can't even remotely walk as far as we'd planned, and I need to stop and pee and eat all the time!
    Small problems I guess. :)

    If you need someone to look after the kids when the baby decides to come, then seriously, call me. I know it might be weird, having never actually met your kids before, but I would seriously come in the middle of the night if that's what you needed and you had no one else! Serious.

  10. Cate I am totally with you on feeling guilty about my pregnancy. I am feeling guilty about a lot of things - being too anxious for most of the pregnancy and not enjoying it enough, freaking out about not being financially prepared or prepared in general, thinking I have put my body through too much by working too long. So many things and then I feel guilty for wasting time feeling guilty! I think its natural to have all these feelings though - at least I hope so.

    I am nearly 32 weeks with a baby girl as well so our babies will probably be born around the same time :)


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