finding meaning in the mundane

 or, Am I just living the same day over and over again?

There's a part of me that just wants to quit right now.

It would be much easier if I did - I could go and wash the dishes that have been waiting all day, or finally start that event setup I was supposed to have finished 3 days ago.

the second day is the hardest

or, now you know what's going to happen, you have to choose to come back.

The first day I stepped into the gym, I was overwhelmed.

At 5am, the noise was intense - instructors yelling, people shouting over music, other people turning up for the next class and calling out greetings to people they knew.

 

It was still pandemic times, so masks and social distancing were the norm while people weren't in class.

A return to personal blogging again again

 or, what is this thing called Blogtober, and what am I doing?

Many years ago, the internet was littered with blogging challenges - NaNoBloMo, 31 Days, Blog Every Day in May - and then social media killed the internet and everyone stopped writing.

 

But recently, there's been rumblings.

People still read blog posts, especially if the recipe includes beautiful photos.

Writers are still writing, mostly on Medium or Substack.

Things are changing.

And something inside my head tells me it's ok for me to change too.

 

So I'm attempting this thing called Blogtober.

Blame Rachel, she's very convincing when she starts talking about how she's finally worked out the rhythm of her ecosystem.

I want more of that - the feeling of inspiration that strikes while washing dishes and knowing that I have things that are worth saying.

Because that's the biggest reason I dropped off the face of the earth - I stopped believing in myself and let the mean-girl-voice in my head overtake everything.

 You might like this post - 5 tips for actually using your planner

But there's something about being 50.

My hair is a lot greyer.

My patience is a lot thinner.

And I can finally see that it's ok to put me out there and be seen by the world.

(I wish finding a paying job was as easy 😉)

So I've pulled out my bullet journal, reminded myself how to create header images, realised that this space needs updating and planned over 20 posts (and already considered changing some of those plans)

And here we are on day one, with almost a whole, cohesive post, ready to publish.

Yay me!

Are you writing this month? Or are you cheering from the sidelines?

Let me choose to say no

While I'm rediscovering a writing routine, I'm cleaning up my backend, and updating or publishing posts that have sat in drafts for too many years... here's a gem from 2017 that still holds true today.

 

 

A few years ago, I had a friend who was about to turn 40. It was a big deal to her, as it is for most women, and she was throwing herself a party. Every time I saw her, she shared details of the party - the fabulous dress she'd bought, the mutual friends who were going, the amazing venue's food. And then a week before the party, she sent me a text message

I know you won't come, but I thought I'd better send you an invite.

I made some excuse about already having plans to go out with Steve that evening, because my mum was visiting.

But it still hurts today.

(Our friendship moved on a few months later, for various other reasons.) 

I kind of understand the reason she did it. When you know someone is struggling with money, you don't want to add to their burden by inviting them to a party where they might feel obligated to spend money they can't really afford.

I mean, I'm always saying no to things, because my budget doesn't stretch far enough.

But sometimes, I choose to say yes.

Because no can be so very wearying.

I can see it creeping in again, people not asking us to join in things, kids not being invited to things, family not celebrating events with us. Because they know the pressure we carry with a tight budget and a big family.

But I wish they would let me choose.

Yes, taking a big family to the movies is expensive, so lets go to a slightly cheaper cinema and all enjoy it together.

Yes, going out for a meal together is a rowdy experience (and expensive now 2 kids eat off the adult menu) so let's go to the pub with a playground again.

I know it's a two way street, spending time with other people, that I should reach out to others more. But eventually, when people say no often enough, you stop asking if they want to come for coffee, go out for dinner, need a hand cleaning up that mess. And that works in reverse, if you say no often enough to others they stop asking.

But don't not ask because you think I might say no, allow me the space to say this week doesn't work, can we do it next week? Or sure, we'd love to come. 

Because you might be missing out on the best experience of your week by not asking. And you might just change someone's day in the process.

 

So Colourful - a bullet journal update

To get back into the habit of photo taking and writing, I'm challenging myself this month to use the Fat Mum Slim January 2021 prompts to inspire me.

 

A new year means a crisp new notebook to write in.

When I looked back on this post, I realised that my bullet journal setup has changed over time, so today I'm sharing my current journal.

A Car

To get back into the habit of photo taking and writing, I'm challenging myself this month to use the Fat Mum Slim January 2021 prompts to inspire me.

I met my husband because of a car.

He had one, and I didn't.

There's more to the story than that, but that's where it started.

He had a Bruce Springsteen CD playing, and the back seat was full of crumbs and kid-paraphernalia.

Sounds like my car now, water bottles and crumbs in the back seat, and that shopping bag with a tablecloth tucked inside for spur of the moment park adventures falling out every time I open the boot.

Maybe I'll use this quiet time to clean it out?!

What sort of car do you drive?

One Little Word® - Choosing SLOW

One Little Word® is a memory keeping/personal development project and class led by Ali Edwards each year since 2006.

I first chose a word to guide my year in the dying days of 2007.

Since then, I've had moderate success with words as intentions for guidance, with the best years coming when I have worked hard to embrace the word every day.

In 2021, I decided I needed to embrace SLOW.

Mostly, because I need to slow down and focus to ensure I don't make mistakes, but also because I need to remind myself that I don't have to fill every moment of the day with stuff for other people or busy work.

That it's ok to have white space in my days.

That I can be SLOW and still achieve.

I'm excited to see where it leads.

Do you choose a word each year?

20 lessons from 2020

2020 has become a cliche.

In a year of global pandemic, “unprecedented” was the word on everyone’s lips.

But a little closer to home, nothing much changed for me.

Steve was away at work (stuck in Western Australia from March 29 to May ??)

I continued to attend work when kids moved to Learning@Home as all school staff were still required to attend (bringing forth it’s own set of logistical issues - kids at home, me at work, Steve away, who was supervising school work?)