Thursday, 18 May 2017

Why I'm giving up the hustle before I start

I sat down an hour ago to map out my ideal day in my bullet journal. It's a great idea, something I've tried to do on a weekly scale, but seemed overwhelming, but as I sat wasting another daycare day by scrolling through Facebook and achieving nothing, I thought I might try a different tactic, and see what an ideal day would look like.

As I sat with my lead pencil and ruler, trying to get the number of hours level on both sides of my pages (did you know there's more PM hours in your day than AM?) I realised that I was wasting time again, only this time it was with pencil and paper, not Facebook.

I wrote down this amazing quote a few weeks ago, from Julie Parker, founder of Beautiful You Coaching Academy. She was on the Rock Your Goals podcast with Sarah Jensen (episode 20, if you want to hear it), and she said
One of the things that helps people build confidence is doing things.
My heart exploded when I heard those words. I've shared them all around the place, even going so far as creating a printable and printing it to hang behind my desk.

But I haven't hung it up yet.

Because I am paralysed.

I keep researching, reading, learning, listening, chatting to others, taking it in.

But as I sat there, trying to work out an ideal day (which I will probably still do, it would be handy for Sophie to have a little more structure to at-home days before heading off to school next year), I realised that I don't want to hustle any more.

Not that I was actually doing anything.

My goal list at the start of this year said "grow blog" That broke down to "get 1000 newsletter subscribers" and "grow blog traffic" and "launch ecourse" 

But I don't want those things, if I have to sacrifice the things I love about blogging - the people reading, the new relationships made, the writing.

The writing. Doesn't that say it all? This is a blog, if I'm not writing, then what's left?

And I get it. "Your blog is not a business." I understand the thinking behind the quote (finally.) It means that I need to market myself, tell people I'm here, be active on social media. But if I don't write, what is there to tell people about?

And mindset is an issue, too. I mean, who am I to tell you what to do? Whether it's parenting or blogging, why would you listen to me? I've been blogging longer than quite a lot of large Australian bloggers, but I don't see their success (oh, if only I'd said yes to that first PR outreach program), and I'm still here when other bloggers are gone. I've been parenting for almost 20 years, but one child left me, another hates me, and I'm going through threenager alongside perimenopause, why would you listen to me?

But who am I not?

Why wouldn't you want to learn how I've stayed the course and kept blogging for almost ten years when others have fallen by the wayside? (You've gotta be in it for the love of writing and connecting, not for the money)

Why wouldn't you want to see how I managed to re-establish a relationship with the child who left me, and kept another from ripping our family apart? Why wouldn't you want to read how I'm managing a 3 year old in my forties (ask me in a couple of years, I'm still getting my head around that word that just sprung itself on me this month)?

At the end of the day, I need to forget about Facebook, forget about what others are doing, and just run my own race. But as an introvert with very few friends nearby, it's easier said than done, when the computer keeps me connected to the world.

I think it's time to get out of my own way, and just bloody do it.

Are you holding you back from your goals?

2 comments:

  1. It is strange how you and I lead very different lives and yet I find what you write about so interesting. And since listening to your videos and knowing what you sound like, I can really hear you in your posts!
    I'm at a bit of a parting in the road at the moment, seriously thinking about early retirement at 60 next year but knowing that I will miss the chat and gossip with the rest of the office. The socialising and interaction. Plus I love learning new things, even if it is just how to do something different in a report or an excel spreadsheet, I need to keep my brain cells active, so leaving work completely does kind of scare me a bit. I don't want to fall into a routine of not doing very much and slowing down. So my goal is to find a happy medium, to find things to stretch me, while enjoying not having to do the boring, mundane office based things.

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  2. Oh Cate!......you are always so full of self doubt but you are right (NOT about the self doubt!!!)...you have so much to talk about that Is interesting..even to a nearer-60-than 50 -certainly not 40-year old like me!...the way you have been so honest about your family issues and are just YOU is what keeps me coming back! Xx

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I love reading comments from you. Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts. xox

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