Wednesday 8 December 2010

#reverb 10 - 5

I'm putting this out there in the hopes that getting it out is better than holding it in.

Ali Edwards linked to it at the end of last month, and Lee Currie also shared a link, but it wasn't until Saturday that I really got a chance to have a look and think about whether I wanted to join in. I signed up for the prompts, and decided to just share whichever prompts speak to me, in the most authentic way possible.

The first prompt to hit my inbox was day five - Let go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?

I let go of my mums group this year. In fact, it was only in October that I let them go. We had been together since Natalie was 6 weeks old, but I never felt totally comfortable and part of the group.

There's lots of reasons for the break-up, most of them I've probably blown out of proportion, but if being around someone makes you feel bad about yourself, you can't be around that someone any more, and I had been subjecting myself for over a year and feeling unhappy about it.

I don't feel 100% better about the break-up, either. I know that continuing to go wasn't making me feel good, but the kids have lost contact with other kids, and we hardly ever get out of the house now. And one of the reasons that the Celebrate Friendship blog hop was hard for me to write about was because

I've deleted the above paragraph about five times now. I'm really not clear on my thoughts about my mums group anymore. I wasn't happy going any more, and I constantly felt out of place and unsupported by the group (some people more than others). Yes, I'm sad about the tenuous friendships that I have now lost. Yes, I am sad that my kids won't be able to forge long-lasting friendships with kids they've grown up with. I miss the routine of getting ready, and catching up with others, and occasionally others stopped and saw me for five minutes.

I don't miss the tears I cried each day driving home, sad because my efforts to talk to others were undermined by children needing mum to push the swing/get food or drink/change nappies. Sad because when others were down I always put my hand up to share in the cheering up, but no one reciprocated. Sad because I compared myself (my clothes, my hair, my parenting abilities, my poise) to the other mothers and found myself lacking.


  1. Cate, you did the right thing leaving the group if they made you feel like that. Everything happens for a reason. I haven't met you in real life but I'm pretty happy to count you as one of my friends. I don't leave the house much either because of somewhat similar reasons. I know my way to your place so you never know, I may just get there one day.


  2. Very brave post. I'm sorry to hear that going to the group made you feel that way, but it sounds like you did the right thing in moving on. I've had varied experiences with mums groups - I was very fortunate to find one when we moved to where we live now that was truly supportive and welcoming, but I've seen enough of the other kind to understand that they can make you feel bad xx


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