Saturday, 4 August 2012

things I'd tell my daughter

It's okay, we understand.

We understand that when you start down a formal path, an official path, that you have to follow through.

We understand that it must have been very hard for you to do.

We understand.

But it doesn't make it any easier for us, that understanding.

It makes us cry at night, that you chose that path for our family, without ever. once. talking to us.

It makes us unsure about when, or if, we will ever see you again.

It makes us uncertain about your place in our house, and our family.

But even as I sit here, recovering from the shock of that knock on the door, I'm angry.

Angry that you never spoke to us.

Angry that your father put you through that.

Angry that he is keeping you from us.

And I'm crying.

Because I constantly have to explain to the other kids that Chloe is ok.

But she's not allowed to visit us.

I'm crying because I miss you, even your grumpy teenage-ness.

I'm crying because the kids ask for you every. single. day.

And I can't hug you.

Or see your smile.

4 comments:

  1. Cate, all I can do is reach out with cyber hugs and prayers...prayers that you will find the strength to cope with what lies ahead and that Chloe will know that, no matter what,you will always be ready to welcome her home
    Alison xx

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  2. Oh Cate, hugs to you. I cannot imagine what you are going through but I do know that relationship troubles with a teenage daughter a particular kind of agony. One day, you will be able to hug your daughter again, and she will smile. One day.
    xxx

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  3. heartbreaking post thinking of you xxx

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  4. So very, very sorry for all the sadness and pain in this situation. I think it will matter a great deal to Chloe one day when she is older and reads the things you write to her through these years. She will know she was always loved and missed. (((Cate)))

    ReplyDelete

I love reading comments from you. Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts. xox

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