inspiring and encouraging mums of big kids (because little kids grow up) to create family adventure every day

Friday, 11 November 2016

Dear Mama, it doesn't get better

Dear mama,

I've been there. I think every mama of a newborn remembers those days. That moment when they hand you that bundle in hospital? I remember the sheer confusion after Sophie was born - what on earth did I do with it? And she wasn't my first! I know you're struggling to find your feet, to hold onto yourself, and find your new normal. And people are rallying around you "it's ok," they say "it gets better."

But they're lying to you.

I've been there. I think every mama of a toddler remembers those days. That moment when they have a tantrum in the supermarket? I remember desperately buying a toilet plunger for Riley, because he was hysterical. And he wasn't my first! I know you're trying to find the balance in all your roles in life, to hold onto yourself, and grow these little people. And people are rallying around you "it's ok," they say "it gets better."

But they're lying to you.

I've been there. I think every mama of a school child remembers those days. That moment when you realise they talk more about their teacher than you? That smarts. I know you try not to get exasperated when Mrs Teacher is listened to more than you. And people are rallying around you "it's ok," they say "it gets better."

But it's time to cut the bullshit.

It doesn't get better.

One age of childhood is not better than the one before.

It gets different.

So different.

That mum who exclaims wistfully on facebook "where did my child go?" She isn't wishing for that stage back. She knows how hard it was. She's wishing for the strength to make it through this stage now with the same grace she breezed through what felt like torture then.

That mum sitting beside a teenager in a coffee shop? She knows how different it is. She knows that teenager isn't better than newborn. They're different. Oh so different.

So please, if someone says to you "it gets better", remind them of their journey. Remind them that it doesn't get better, but different.

You've got this, mama.



  1. So true Cate. Different. I'm discovering new struggles everyday. I see that mum with the newborn or defiant toddler at the shops and empathise with her. But then I think I survived, I got through it but I deal with things now I never dreamed I would. At the end of the day, you can only do what you can do because one day they'll be gone and all you can hope for is that you did good as their mum xx

  2. Well said Cate!
    ps tried to share to FB using the little icon above but it wouldn't work.

  3. I think that's really true for anyone's stages in life. Better is relative to our preferences as well!

  4. I keep wishing for them to get older so it becomes easier but you are right it just changes with new challenges.

  5. I thought having a newborn was so hard when going through it, but now I think having a toddler is harder. Pretty sure I'll keep thinking that every stage until she moves out.

  6. Going through the teenage years here. What has certainly gotten A LOT better is that there is now no sleep deprivation in our house- apart from the night owl teenager at least! Other than that there is always a new thing to work out how to manage.

  7. True; life just rolls differently. I do believe, though, that once you get sleep back, it truly gets better. Whilst there is a whole new set of challenges, at least you can take it on with a clearer mind. Gorgeous pics!

  8. I think you just have to enjoy every stage otherwise you'll miss out on it all too quick. With our kids all teenagers now, I'm savouring every moment!

  9. Well said! Every stage is so different, each with their own set of challenges and blessings... good to embrace every one... bc they don't last, huh!

  10. I love this post as it's so true - there is no "better" just different. Shared on my page x

  11. You are so right. No stage is better or worse than the other, each stage is individual and is not comparable to the last :).

  12. All I can say is I'm child free for a reason.


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