6 ways to support your kids' school

Inside - 6 ways to help your school community, without always buying something.

It's no secret that I love volunteering. Being of service to others is my primary love language, which often manifests as helping people my kids are involved with.

I've been a P&C volunteer, Scout leader, family support worker, and classroom reader over the years.

And this year I've stepped into the treasurer's role with the P&C Executive for our primary school.

Us in April

Inside - Us Right Now captures the family and individual stories of our right now.

We are slowly working out how we'd like to renovate our house in a way that works best for everyone.

7 ways we use essential oils

Inside - Essential oils are everywhere, so how does an average family actually use them? My doTERRA website

Both my parents became qualified masseurs in my early teens. Essential oils were part of the job, although they both tended to stick to a group of 3 oils (or perhaps that was just dad's rule.)

As I moved into my own home, I've always had oil burners or candles or incense sticks burning, and a bottle of lavender and eucalyptus handy for sticky spots and nit prevention.

Sibling Secret Santa - how to save money but lose your mind

Inside - how we include our children in the gift giving experience, without breaking the bank buying lots of gifts

One of the best Christmas presents my sister ever gave me was my Granny GloBug. We walked around the shops together, telling each other what we wanted and stood side by side at the register as mum paid for our "secret" gifts.



We failed at actually keeping the secret, though.

Staying Sane during School Holidays

It feels like just a few weeks ago the kids were on holidays, and yet here we are, smack bang in the middle of holidays (our schools were closed for two days last week with the ex-TC Debbie weather event) If your kids are anything like mine, the house is getting noisy and messy, and there will be many cries of I'm bored and frustrated mamas will be ready to rip their hair out by the time Easter actually arrives!

I have sort-of solved our problems by providing a loose structure to our days. It looks a bit like this.

Updating Family Photos

Us Right Now is a monthly series of photos + words, sharing our right now stories.

Since way back in 2009, I have taken regular photos of all the kids. Whether that's the memory keeper in me, or the adult that has no photos from their childhood, I have my big camera or phone at hand all the time. But getting professional photos taken isn't something we've done in the last 8 years (and in all honesty, our last set of "professional" photos were taken at Portrait Place in a room over-stuffed with silly props and a white background.)

5 things we're not doing for Valentine's Day

I have always had a love/hate relationship with Valentine's Day. As a teenager, I avidly read the special newspaper liftout full of messages, and dreamed about one of them being for me; as a young mum, I sent in one of those messages myself (with no response from my partner, we split up a few months later); now married for lots of years and overrun by cherubs, Valentine's Day has become just another day that our budget doesn't stretch to.

We need to talk about Douglas

I have a violent teenager in my house.

There, I said it.

I keep getting told not to talk about it, not to shame him.

Dear Mama, it doesn't get better

Dear mama,

I've been there. I think every mama of a newborn remembers those days. That moment when they hand you that bundle in hospital? I remember the sheer confusion after Sophie was born - what on earth did I do with it? And she wasn't my first! I know you're struggling to find your feet, to hold onto yourself, and find your new normal. And people are rallying around you "it's ok," they say "it gets better."

But they're lying to you.

I've been there. I think every mama of a toddler remembers those days. That moment when they have a tantrum in the supermarket? I remember desperately buying a toilet plunger for Riley, because he was hysterical. And he wasn't my first! I know you're trying to find the balance in all your roles in life, to hold onto yourself, and grow these little people. And people are rallying around you "it's ok," they say "it gets better."

But they're lying to you.

I've been there. I think every mama of a school child remembers those days. That moment when you realise they talk more about their teacher than you? That smarts. I know you try not to get exasperated when Mrs Teacher is listened to more than you. And people are rallying around you "it's ok," they say "it gets better."

But it's time to cut the bullshit.

It doesn't get better.

One age of childhood is not better than the one before.

It gets different.

So different.

That mum who exclaims wistfully on facebook "where did my child go?" She isn't wishing for that stage back. She knows how hard it was. She's wishing for the strength to make it through this stage now with the same grace she breezed through what felt like torture then.

That mum sitting beside a teenager in a coffee shop? She knows how different it is. She knows that teenager isn't better than newborn. They're different. Oh so different.

So please, if someone says to you "it gets better", remind them of their journey. Remind them that it doesn't get better, but different.

You've got this, mama.

7 ways a dog is like a 3 year old

Daisy has lived with us for five months now. She has easily moulded us to fill her needs slipped into our household, and Sophie proclaims regularly that Daisy is her "bes fren" We've all learnt numerous lessons from having her here and walking her, but at just over one year old she is technically "fully grown" in body, but just like a 3 year old in spirit.

She wants your food I don't when I last ate something without a dog sitting in front of me, or Sophie trying to climb into my lap to remove it from my mouth. And forget any special treats each evening, I can only eat them unaccompanied on daycare days [because Daisy takes the kid-free time to sleep.all.day.]

She wants what you have We have bought numerous toys for Daisy over the last few month, but they last exactly 3.2 seconds before she's shredded them into piles of stuffing around the house (the chew rope took a little bit longer, 3 days of hardcore chewing.) But that means that she's often hunting around for something more than bones or wooden blocks to chew on. Whenever the kids pull out something new to play with, Daisy is the first one there, having a sniff and a lick to determine if she wants to chew it or not.

She wants to know where you are I seem to have become Daisy's people. Whether that's because I'm home more than Steve or she feels a kindred spirit, I have no idea, but she rarely listens to anyone else [see, just like a 3 year old!] But that has come to mean that if I head downstairs to the washing machine, she's on my heels; she's learnt to stick her nose into the toilet door to push it open, and checks on me every time I'm in the shower. Just like a 3 year old.

She eats everything, until she doesn't Daisy hasn't actually eaten her dinner for 3 days now. She gets served cooked mince, and sometimes I add sweet potato to it. That's it. She's gone from veggies, meat and pasta in gravy when she first arrived to plain old mince. And now she won't even eat that. Just like the 3 year old who proclaimed rice was her favourite, and ate it every time it was dished up, until last week she stopped eating it. [NB Daisy isn't starving, she's been munching on chicken necks during the day]

She jumps on furniture, even when told not to Daisy is full of energy that some days even walking with me doesn't help. And once she gets started running around, she sort-of can't stop until she's exhausted. If there's a couch or table in the way, she jumps on it without hesitation. Like the 3 year old that can't get ready for bed without jumping on it like a trampoline.

She always wants to know what everyone else is doing Sophie is currently in the chatterbox-why stage of learning language. I had forgotten how truly exhausting this stage was, but add a dog who is at your heels every time, it becomes a precarious balance of who exhausts you first!

She wants to get in the car every time I'm currently driving a sedan, which we try really hard to not let Daisy in (although if it becomes the only car she remembers going to the vets in, we could be in trouble, so I take her out occasionally), but Steve's station wagon has a cargo barrier, so it's safer for Daisy to travel in that. So if he picks his keys up in the middle of the day, Daisy is ready to walk outside with him. Just like when I put shoes on, Sophie is asking where I'm going, and whether she can come too.

And then we get moments like this, where they're so peaceful together that hearts just melt. They truly are best friends.

An InLinkz Link-up

10 lessons from 10 years of marriage

If you had said to me 11 years ago that I'd be here today, celebrating my tenth wedding anniversary, I would have thought you were barking mad. Even five years ago, I wasn't sure we would make it this far. But we did, and we have.

As I've reflected on this journey over the last few weeks (because it's so in my nature to obsessively try to work out "why") I've realised that there's no real reason why this has worked. Not one thing stands out. Which means that it's really a mix of everything that makes us us, that has made it worked.

Since the very first day we met, we've had one strict rule - neither of us is under any obligation to stay. I think in part that's come from me growing up with the knowledge that my parents "only stayed together for the kids". It means that we've both chosen to stay.

So, in no particular order, here are ten things I've realised about marriage

you need to fight fair having grown up in a family that fought, and seen relationships around me fall apart because couples couldn't fight, I truly believe that learning to fight with your partner is vital. But fighting fair, making the fight about now, not the past, is vital to making sure issues get sorted out and dealt with, not hanging around forever.

you need to keep talking through all the ups and downs, it's vital to keep communication lines open. Over the last few years, with Steve working away or nights, talking face to face has been really limited, so we've had to find other ways to keep talking (most often on the phone just before I go to bed), and we don't just talk about the kids, we talk about money, memories, dreams and plans for the future as well as tomorrow.

you need laughter one of the very first things that caught my attention about Steve was he made me laugh. And over the years, I've learnt how to make him laugh. And when one person is laughing, eventually so is everyone else.

you need to take time out time apart is vital, because it reminds you why you like each other in the first place. With Steve working away, it's been difficult for us to find this time apart, but I have managed to sneak off for a weekend or two away over the last few years.

there's always a new story I told Steve recently that I'd heard all his stories from the past. They often pop up when we're talking about ideas for the future and contrasting them to the past, and I've heard the one about the three-legged sheep more times than you would think was possible. None the less, he dug deep, and found a new story to relate to whatever we were chatting about, which made me stop and wonder how much else I didn't know after ten years.

find your own interests Steve has never quite understood the importance of having his own interests. To him, I'm his best friend. But he isn't mine. And we have lots of interests that we don't share, which means that when we're having a talking evening, we have things to talk about that the other doesn't know about. I listen to Steve talk about work, and he listens to me waffle about scrapbooking, or blogging, or whatever interest I'm researching this week.

spend time together this seems counter-intuitive to the last point, so perhaps this should be sub titled "date each other" While dates aren't something we've every really managed to pull off (for a period of time there, the only time we got out without kids was when my mum came to visit every other year for Christmas), we do try regularly to have day dates, and now Sophie is in daycare we're managing to spend a few hours each week with each other (depending on roster.)

sex is important it took a long time for me to figure out that this connection was vital. It isn't a matter of how often, but that it happens regularly.

different rhythms are ok Steve has always preferred staying up late (or, more particularly, falling asleep in the arm chair), where I am a morning person (although sometimes grudgingly) who crawls into bed with a book at 9.30 sharp. We've made those different patterns work for us, because it gives us both the space we need for ourselves, and each other.

don't stop loving each other it's ok if you're in the middle of a an arguement, and dislike each other, but don't let that overshadow the things that brought you together in the first place. Once that love starts to slip away, it can be hard to claw it back.

I can't say for sure if we'll still be here in another ten years, but I think right now we're in the comfort phase of our marriage, complacent in it's known-ness. As the kids grow and become more independent, it gives us the space to come back to each other, and remember why we're here in the first place. Not just for the kids. But for each other.

Happy Anniversary.

What's your #1 tip for a good marriage?

Us in August

Each month, I take photos of my family, and each individual member. I do this for selfish reasons - because no photos exist from my childhood, because I'm getting old and forgetful, because I love having the images. I also hope that when they're grown up, these memories will serve as a sort of time capsule, a reminder that they lived a life every day that was worth photographing. It's a messy-hair-no-one-is-looking-at-the-camera reminder of a life lived every day.

We are counting down to a camping adventure in the not too distant future

[We are all tired and in need of a change of scene]

We are all enjoying the time spent outside

[even when there's arguments over who's turn it is to scoop]

He is changing rosters again this week

[back to days for a short while]

He is enjoying his morning walks with the dog

[even if she does confuse 3am for 5am]

She is already making Christmas plans

[only 144 sleeps]

She is eager to finish sewing a quilt

[only 2 blocks and the binding to do]

He is trying hard to complete homework each week

[there's a fish tank in it for him, if he keeps it up all term]

He walks the dog each evening

[and scores a few pokemon on the way]

She wants to learn to cook more evening meals

[or bake cakes and slices, anything that gets her in the kitchen]

She hates watching "boys shows" on tv

[and is happiest in the evening with a movie or book in her room]

He needs to practise his handwriting for school

[but hates the repetition of writing the same thing over and over]

He still loves to watch Minecraft videos on YouTube

[and dreams of having parents who understand what he's talking about]

She has finally learnt to be gentle with Daisy

[but still loves on her a little bit too hard]

She talks about her friends at daycare endlessly

[but still has a bit of separation anxiety in the mornings]

written as part of #blogginggroove challenge 1 from ProBlogger.

Ending the Waiting

Something snapped last week.

I had to have that table in the backyard, NOW

We moved the piles of toys that had accumulated, as only kids toys can.

We tightened up the legs, and guesstimated that the table is actually about 14 years old.

We raked the ground to remove any toys hidden in the weedy grass-like growth.

And we placed the table under the trees, and surrounded it with chairs.

We placed our tea cups on top, and sat down.

Everything is going to be ok.

It's been a long path to this point.

When Chloe went to live with her dad, we waited for her to come home each fortnight to do fun stuff

When Riley was born, we waited for him to grow a bit before we started doing things

When Sophie was born, we waited for money issues to sort themselves out

But waiting causes stress

Waiting breeds discontent

Waiting brings insecurity

Something snapped last week.

We remembered that Chloe is now living her own life.

We remembered that Riley is nearly 7

We remembered that money is always going to be needed, we just need to look at it differently.

We stopped waiting.

And we moved the table into the backyard so we could enjoy the sunshine.

linking with Kylie Purtell for ibot

5 things we've learnt from our dog

In case you missed all my photos on social media, we got another dog. Some might say it was a strange thing to do, just a month after we lost Molly, but we just found ourselves in the position of looking at a dog's photo online and being cranky that she was being given away, and bringing her home with us. She isn't the perfect dog; she keeps sleeping on the couch, and she digs holes in the backyard, but she cleans up any kid-food spills, and she's happy with a belly rub after the kids have gone to bed; she's best for us right now.

And we've learnt so much from her in the last month or so. I've been pondering this for awhile, as we go about our daily routine, it's kind of been a bit of a surprise that anyone has learnt anything at all from her, but while the lessons may only be little, they've been important ones.

The kids have learnt cooperation Seems like an odd place to start, but dogs poo. And big dogs do big poo. And the kids have had no choice but to remember how to work together to clean it up. They whinge and whine about every second of it (I never said they were happy about learning these lessons), but the mess gets cleaned up.

The kids have learnt to be gentle Not an easy concept to teach a 3 year old, and I've had my moments of hair-tearing-out, but all the kids have learnt to pay attention to their actions, towards each other, and towards Daisy. Daisy often comes to the defence of someone when kids are arguing (I think she's never quite sure who needs her help if they're yelling at each other) And Sophie is working on gentle patting, instead of riding Daisy like a horse (probably the only downside of Daisy being big, Sophie doesn't quite understand that Daisy might accidentally hurt her.)

Everyone has learnt to give love It's fair to say that family loves each other. But they don't always show it in ways that are easy to interpret as "I love you." With Daisy, it's been easy for everyone to show love - all it takes is a belly rub. Natalie and Riley can often be found in the afternoon with Daisy on her back, rubbing madly away at her tummy.

What goes in must come out This was our very first lesson. Daisy chewed the string off a school hat her first night here. The kids weren't home when it made it's way through her system. And we've also had to watch what food she eats. While she loves all food (and is always at the table beside the kids at breakfast time waiting for someone to drop something), mashed potato makes her sick.

Eventually everything gets chewed I've been keeping track of how many pairs of shoes or laces get chewed. The cupboards in the lounge room are piled high with items picked up off the floor away from Daisy. Steve was quite sure that tucking his laces into his work boots each night would be enough, and he wouldn't have to pick them up off the floor. Obviously, Daisy didn't get that memo. These are now hers to chew (FYI 5 pairs of laces, 3 left shoes, 1 pair of slippers, 3 drink bottles, 1 handbag strap, 1 dog leash, 1 cheap chew toy, and countless bones.)

I'm sure over the next 10 or more years she'll teach us many more valuable lessons.

Do you have pets? What have you learnt from them?

linking up with Essentially Jess for IBOT
linking up with Pursue Your Project for Family Joy

Dear Sophie today you are 3

Dear Sophie

You have grown so much over the last year.

You love dancing at daycare, and jumping like a frog.

You sing loudly and proudly, 

and had the biggest smile on your face this morning when you told me you were 3 now

You love eggs and corn and watermelon and bananas and yoghurt 

(and sometimes refuse to eat anything else)

You love Daisy and Douglas, and always have hugs for dad when he gets home from work.

Last week you loved Peppa Pig, but then you discovered Dora, now you're torn between the two.

You stubbornly refuse to wear pants if you can avoid it, 

and hate having your hair brushed (but accept that it's a requirement of going to daycare)

You love it when Riley reads you a book, "The Very Cranky Bear" is your current favourite.

You're not much of a fan of the TV still, although The Octonauts and Dora have caught your eye.

The swing is your favourite place, you and Daisy often head out on your own.

You love to snuggle down in Natalie's bed with her, and watch Barbie movies 

(although you're really just pretending, and having hugs instead)

You are so very loved.

Happy Birthday Sophie

Why I don't mind paying my electricity bill

Have you ever answered a question, and shut down a discussion? Whenever that old chestnut "how much is your electricity bill?" pops up, I try really hard not to answer the question. But quite often I get caught up in the moment of sharing with friends, and blurt it out. End of discussion.

Because my bill is high. And has been high for over ten years.

And while costs have gone up (and my bill has remained steadily the same for those same ten years) when I tell you the number, it will stop all discussion.

Once others get over the shock, the probing questions start.

"Has an electrician checked your wires?" yes, thanks

"Do you have a clothes dryer?" yes, and I love it.

"My bill is only $300, why is yours so high?" well, aside from the fact that you work outside the home, see above.

And as much as it irks Steve endlessly to be paying so much money to the electricity company, he lasts about five minutes in his turn all the power points off tirades.

Because I do love my clothes dryer, it runs every day.

And as a big family, the washing machine runs at least once every day (although today I've done 3 loads)

And while it's winter at the moment, come summer, we'll be running two air conditioners; one of those 24 hours a day if Steve is still on night shift.

So, while my electricity bill seems excessive to you, I'm happy to pay it.

{Yes, I use my clothes line. Yes, I know all about climate change. Yes, I have solar hot water.}

Linking with Essentially Jess

 

What happened when we got rid of toys

We have quite a big house, compared to current building standards. Approximately 200m² under-roof space, the downstairs area consisting of rumpus room, garage-converted-to-storage, laundry and toilet and upstairs with bedrooms, kitchen, lounge, bathroom and toilet. There's plenty of space for kids to spread out in the rumpus room, or backyard (but not so much in the bedrooms)

So why is it then that there are so. many. toys. in the lounge room space?

About a month ago, I finally got fed up with promising myself that I would sort the toys out tomorrow, and finally got stuck in to it. Unfortunately, a lot of the toys were broken, so they quickly headed out to the bin, and others weren't age appropriate any more. But as I sorted through the boxful of rubbish (why don't kids just put it in the bin?) and broken bits, and decided what to keep out and what to stash away, Sophie started to  play.

Now that might not seem mind blowing to most people, after all, that's what toys are for. But for the last 18 months, Sophie hasn't been interested in any sort of play activities, unless I'm part of it. Which has been hugely frustrating to me. And even in the last 6 months since she started daycare, she hasn't really wanted to move very far from me over the course of the day.

So what changed?

{safe to say it does not look this neat today, especially since adding a dog to the household}

I think that getting rid of broken toys, thinning out the choices, and her being able to see into the bottom of boxes meant she wasn't overwhelmed by the choices. She could see that I was busy, and close by, and she had lots of new things to play with.

She continued playing all afternoon until the kids got home from school...

When did you last sort out the toy boxes?

linking up with Essentially Jess

Self Care for the Stressed Mumma

It's no secret that our household is stressed. From the financial stress of less money coming in, but the same amount of bills going out, to a teenager who isn't quite sure how to deal with anger except to explode all over the house, there's a lot of pressure on both Steve and I. And while we can see the light at the end of the tunnel, there are some days that we submit to the stress, and wallow, and become overwhelmed by it.

Sometimes, though, people will surprise you, pulling you out of the mud in the most unexpected ways, and allowing you some breathing space. We had one such experience just last week - a work mate of Steve's offered us free accommodation on the Sunshine Coast for a few days. He'd actually offered it to us back in April, and we'd said yes, but it became too complicated to go when we realised we'd forgotten about the NAPLAN testing Douglas needed to do last week, so we'd moved the trip to the too-hard basket.

But, on short notice, with very little budget flexibility, we manage an overnight escape, which was just what the doctor ordered.

The view from our sixth floor apartment was spectacular.

The water was freezing cold.

Who cares if you can't swim, it's water!

We managed to move away from the pool long enough to wander across the road, check out the crab pots Steve's friend had thrown in, and paddle in the salty water.

After an early dinner of fisha dn chips in the courtyard, Steve and I sat on the balcony drinking wine while the kids snuggled down for an early night in front of the tv.

Then I got to sit on the balcony and watch the sun come up, completely free of any noise.

There were some imperfect moments, like the room not actually having enough beds, and Douglas being relegated to couch cushions on the floor, and kids bickering and tripping over each other, but moments like these, where they worked together to put the breakfast dishes away, reminded us that they're really good kids at heart.

When was the last time you went away?

linking with Essentially Jess for ibot