Many years ago, when Chloe's dad and I first split up, we had a private child support payment agreement. Over time, it wasn't working for either of us, so the Child Support Agency started collecting money. As part of this change, Chloe's dad wanted me to provide him with receipts for all purchases made with that money. Aside for being difficult to keep track of (and being argumentative at the time), I didn't think this was necessary, as all household expenses were in support of Chloe.
And CSA agreed, and he made payments and we moved forward.
But I was reminded of it last weekend, when my brother and his partner and kids were over, and we were talking about money. His partner was emphatic in her statement that she doesn't pay for the kids. But she regularly buys groceries for the house, contributes to expenses, fills her car with fuel to take the kids places, but doesn't pay for the kids.
It got me wondering - at what point in a relationship that already has kids in it, do you pool resources? And does that separation of resources extend to separation of responsibilities such as discipline and supervision?
I know it was different for Steve and I - I asked him if I could borrow his car, he asked me if I could pick Douglas up from care. I bought ingredients for dinner, he did the housework. And we've always disciplined together, because as far as we were concerned, we came together to build a family.
I really think that pooling your resources together as a family sends a much healthier message to the kids! My brother's ex-wife really went overboard with this stuff - including household duties. She would only do laundry for her and her son, but none for my brother and his two kids - including towels. Carrie's dad always wanted copies of receipts but only for the things I needed him to reimburse me for - larger ticket items like summer school camp or music equipment. Man, I'm so glad those days are behind us!
ReplyDeleteI'd say it'd be better to do it together and put on a united front. My mum married her ex-husband when I was 15 and he had 3 younger kids and mum had us 2. Mum did stuff for them, but Ollie straight out hated us and resented anything that involved us. It caused heaps of arguments between them and I ended up moving out of home at 18 because it wasn't a nice place to be because he was so horrible towards us. Mum ended up realising what was going on and eventually split up with him. Ironic thing is now his kids are older and pretty much don't want anything to do with him.
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